I have been home two days now and surprisingly I am feeling rather optimistic about it, I haven't cried once. When I have left Manchester previously, for long periods, I have cried, moped about and generally felt depressed for the first few weeks, missing my friends and the freedom the city had given me.
However, it's 3.30am and I am feeling reflective, looking back at photo's, thinking of memories, fun times, people I have met, friends I have gained and lost. I returned to Manchester in November last year after a few months of ups and downs. In comparison, 2011 was a much better year than 2010 for me. It seems to have flown by in a year of parties, alcohol, drugs and new experiences.
I thought it would be a good time to talk about why exactly I decided to leave when I did. A hard year of excess had started to take its toll on me. I had gained weight, I am looking pale, I am feeling older and I was tired. As I have documented before, I am always conflicted between the two cities. But in speaking to my family these past few weeks, everyone seemed to be in a better place. The family unit seems to be closer, after a couple of years of being so fragmented. I didn't want to miss out on that.
There are certain worries that being back in Dublin carries, I have always shared a volatile relationship with my Mother and although absence makes the heart grow fonder I am apprehensive that we will revert back to previous conflict. Being under the same roof as her medication will also be difficult and will further test our relationship. We can only take it one day at a time and see how things go.
The past few months back in Manchester had been filled with so much worry, money worries had really started to get me down and being at home as felt like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. It's been a major stress reliever and I have spent most of yesterday and today, just sleeping away those stresses. I needed the break.
I don't know if I will ever want to go back to Manchester, I don't know how I will feel in a few months or a years time. I could meet someone...Anything could happen. We will just have to see how it goes.
But I am optimistic about what lies ahead. I am not regretting my decision.
